Is it all regret

all over?

Does that road

in my memory

lead to the past

that could have been

the future?

Is it all broken?

Full of spiked strips

ready to flatten

this dream

 

How many days

did I awaken

in bliss

In sorrow

In yesterdays kiss

Lipstick stains

of yesterday

on tomorrows cheek

 

There are times

I feel so tired

So used

So weak

 

I can still see

that rain on the road

A merging sorrow

dripping into

the grooves

I never felt so lost

as the day

you were strapped

into sickness

 

The hours

were like days

and the days

were mystic lullabies

that could never

lure me to sleep

I could only

pace though

our memories

Long and empty hallways

of empty hands reaching

out to nothingness

 

I remember waking

from uncomfortable sleep

to the scene

of your life

A bleached white table

with outlined phantoms

of your creative paints

Multicolored memories

bleeding into

cigarette burns

and empty bottles

Half finished sketches

Half empty promises

Heavy tears

that washed down

the mountains of

my mind

 

All the years

I cried

All the years

I tried

All the things

you hid

All the pain

you gave

to the shoulders

of that liquid mistress

 

My arms were there

open

and willing

but empty

There was

a strange ghost

that took

your hand

away from mine

right before my eyes

 

There was

a heavy snowfall

of guilt

that weighed

us both down

Her diseased disasters

tried to collapse us

But the heartbeat

breaks under pressure

and we resuscitated

ourselves

and arose from

the dead

 

The detox

and distress

The addiction

and affliction

The nightmares

and night sweats

could not divide

 

I found a strength

in myself that night

Driving through darkness

listening

to your favorite song

with our best friend

beside me

beside you

beside the past

the present

the future

 

I knew what

had to be done

A silver cube

in my pocket

A golden love

in my heart

I could no longer

hold onto

this anger

and fear

 

Our love

could conquer death

Pain

Suffering…

We had to

let go

of everything

A misted past

would carry our

future

 

The dawn breaking

shattered

that darkness

Your fragile spirit

walked back

to me

Weak and confused

not remembering

the previous pain

Dulled by morphine

and dripping agony

 

But I never

gave in

I never

gave up

I never packed

for your journey

beyond

But prepared

for you coming back

Coming home

Coming into

these arms

that never stopped

holding you

Even when

you became

a temporary ghost

© 2013 Sharlie Lattimer all rights reserved